


A Bite that Never Heals

by autumn_veela



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BDSM, Chan, Emotional Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Physical Abuse, Prostitution, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-14
Updated: 2009-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-28 10:03:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumn_veela/pseuds/autumn_veela
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>People assume that James Potter has everything. But what he really has is a father who won’t get out of bed, an unhelpfully reclusive brother, and the Wizarding World’s answer to Peaches Geldof for a sister. When Teddy Lupin, the only good thing in James’ life, goes missing, how will James cope? And how is his Aunt Hermione involved in Teddy’s disappearance?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to [](http://odditor.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://odditor.livejournal.com/)**odditor** for the amazing beta. Originally written for the NextGen Dark Fest over on LJ.

Lily glares at James, hazel eyes flashing in anger.

“You are _not_ my father, James!”

James bites his lip hard and crosses his arms.

“Lil, you’re _fifteen_! You can’t go to nightclubs, you can’t drink, and you can’t dress like-” he waves arm up and down at Lily’s scant attire, “- _that_.”

“It’s my _job_ , James. They pay me! Why the hell wouldn’t I do it? Dad isn’t bothered so I don’t see why you are.” Lily speaks to James as if he is an imbecile, put on this planet for the sole purpose of irritating her.

“Yeah, well, he isn’t exactly bothered about anything at the moment.”

“James, just fuck off. Claudia and Ana will be here any minute. You can’t fucking stop me going.”

James’ hands come up to his face and he feels like crying with frustration. He presses his fingers into the spot between his eyes, trying to ward off tears and an impending headache.

The sound of the floo finishes the argument and Lily storms towards the living room. Giggles turn to cooing sounds of comfort as Claudia Nott and Anastasia Finch-Fletchley see how upset Lily is and turn on James like slighted hippogriffs. He tries to ignore them, but that snotty voice always manages to reach his ears. _Why is he always such a prick, Lil? He should leave us alone and go and suck cock, for fuck’s sake_. Other guys seem to find Claudia’s little pug face and holier-than-thou tone cute, but it just leaves James with the desire to kick her stupid little nose through her stupid little head. He makes for the stairs, casting a Tempus charm as he does. A faint curse leaves his lips as he realises that it’s past time for Harry’s potions. James started thinking of his dad as _Harry_ last Christmas, when their father had failed to get them any presents, or even make the effort to join them in the living room. Any paternal intentions had slowly deteriorated in the last four years, starting on the very day that Oliver Wood had turned up at their door with red eyes and a pale face, and described the freak Quidditch accident that had claimed the life of their already-too-absent mother.

Harry is sitting up in his bed, using his wand to flick between the channels on the muggle television set.

“Hey, you all right?”

Harry’s eyes flick briefly to James and he grunts.

“They’ve cancelled _Top Gear_. Why the hell would they do that?”

James tries to smile. “It’s just the end of the season. It’ll be back next year.”

“They’ve put _Car Booty_ on instead.”

James snorts. “Well, at least it still involves cars.”

He hands Harry his potions, four in all. Harry makes a face but downs them each in one mouthful.

“What are the kids up to tonight?” Harry asks the same question every night when Albus and Lily are home, and the answer rarely changes.

“Aah, well, Lily’s staying over at Ana’s, and I haven’t really seen Albus. Probably reading, you know, the usual.”

“Is he still writing?”

“I think so. Why don’t you go and see him? Ask him yourself.”

Harry shakes his head. “You could ask him to come in here.”

“Yeah, I’ll ask him.”

James asks Albus to visit Harry quite often, but Albus never does. He prefers to lock himself in his room with his laptop or a book, doing Merlin-knows-what.

James leaves Harry to lament over the loss of _Top Gear_ and heads downstairs to put supper on. Once it’s ready, he knocks on Al’s door and leaves a plate outside. Al will wait until James is gone before he comes out to get it, but Harry is ready for his bangers and mash and accepts it willingly. Together, they eat a silent dinner and watch an elderly lady try to sell a collection of ceramic animals out of the boot of a car.

When they’re both finished, James picks up the empty plates and turns to Harry. “I’m going out tonight. Remember to call Aunt Hermione if you need anything.”

Not long ago, Aunt Hermione had provided Harry with a mobile phone for just this purpose. She, for one, realises that James needs to get out occasionally.

James spends a long time in the bathroom before he goes, playing with his unruly auburn hair. One of the few physical traits he inherited from Harry is the cowlick at the back of his head which makes his hair refuse to stay flat. He finally gives up and makes his way downstairs, tension draining from him with every step. Leaving Grimmauld Place, even for a few hours, is the highlight of his meagre life. And there’s nowhere he’d rather go than Teddy Lupin’s tiny flat.

 

* * *

 

James’ and Teddy’s first time had been an accident. James hadn’t even realised he could fancy men, and Teddy had never shown any sign of being interested in James. But they had literally fallen together one freezing Christmas when James was sixteen. It had been the last Christmas with Grandma and Grandpa still alive, and the first white Christmas in decades. Grandpa had taken it upon himself to ply them all with plenty of mulled wine in celebration of the snow, and after an exceedingly loud dinner, which had ended in chaos when Uncle George set off a reindeer firework inside the kitchen, Teddy had retreated onto the frosty porch for one of the Muggle cigarettes he so loved. James hadn’t understood the pull of the cigarettes at first, but now he needs them to survive. He doesn’t smoke – surprisingly, he has no need to - but the taut curve of Teddy’s lip and the bitter smokiness of his tongue has James hooked just as badly.

James watched Teddy leave the table and decided to follow, choosing to brave the cold in order to continue their earlier conversation on the virtues of the Cannons’ new seeker. Although he could hardly claim that he and his Gryffindor dorm-mates had lived an angelic existence up until that point, he was nonetheless unused to the excessive amount of alcohol he had managed to consume with the turkey. He wobbled as he stood and his head spun violently. Shakily making his way to the porch, he saw Teddy standing just outside the door, already taking a deep drag on a cigarette.

“ _D’eddy_ ,” James slurred as he pushed open the door.

Teddy turned and smirked at James, and James chose that moment to lose his balance, catching his foot on the edge of the door and tumbling forward. James was already on top of a warm, groaning body before he realised what had happened. The abandoned cigarette was only inches from James’ face, and the smell reached his nostrils just as he became aware of Teddy wriggling under him.

“James,” Teddy groaned again, “gerroff me!”

This made James giggle like a girl and he decided in that moment that he liked lying on top of Teddy. Teddy struggled more insistently, and James moaned as his mysteriously hard cock was suddenly pressed into Teddy’s thigh.

“Shit, James!”

James lifted his head to look at Teddy’s confused face. Teddy had stilled, and his hair had turned a bright shade of red.

“Yerr warm, D’eddy,” James slurred happily, and dropped his head into the curve of Teddy’s neck. He smelt like a combination of roast vegetables and nice cologne, and James found himself nuzzling the rough skin there as he gently rocked his hips back and forth, enjoying the friction against Teddy’s jeans.

“James,” said Teddy, “James! Just stop.” Teddy managed to firmly grip James’ shoulders, holding him in place.

His protests finally began to penetrate the haze and James pulled his heavy head up in puzzlement. Teddy’s brown eyes met his and James frowned because he couldn’t read Teddy’s expression.

“Do you really want to do this?”

James nodded enthusiastically. It wasn’t something he’d thought about before, but in that heady moment he couldn’t imagine answering any other way.

“Well, we’re certainly not doing it here. If you get up I’ll Apparate us back to mine.”

James scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could under the circumstances. He felt slightly sick by the time they arrived in Teddy’s flat, but his excitement quickly overrode the queasiness. He almost had his balance back when he was pushed against a wall and Teddy’s lips closed over his, the cigarette still flavouring his mouth. James had the presence of mind to return the kiss, and as Teddy’s tongue forced his lips apart he thought he must be dreaming. No kiss was _ever_ this good. He’d kissed Carmen Bones just a few weeks before, and that had been nice. But this was entirely different. This was bruising and fierce and it made James forget how to breathe.

Teddy’s body pressed roughly into his, his belt buckle jabbing James so hard it left an imprint, and all James could do was writhe and moan as Teddy’s hand made its way into his straining trousers. When Teddy got frustrated and yanked the trousers down without even undoing the fly, James thought all his Christmases had come at once. Fingernails scraped up James’ unyielding cock as he received his first ever skin-on-skin contact, and when Teddy’s cock pressed against his he let out a high-pitched yowl that surely would have awoken the neighbours. A rough, insistent hand brought them both to the edge, and when James came he was so near passing out that he would have collapsed if Teddy’s weight hadn’t been pinning him to the wall.

The next morning, James had woken up surprisingly early. His stomach turned as he tried to roll over, and the next hour was spent in Teddy’s grimy bathroom as putrid stomach contents rudely forced their way out of his body. Teddy was still sound asleep when he finished, and James climbed back into the bed and slept away the rest of the day in Teddy’s arms.

 

* * *

 

Aunt Hermione wrinkles her nose slightly as she steps into the messy living room. She pulls James into a hug, then steps back to look at him.

“Have Al and Lily been helping with the housework?”

James laughs wryly. “No less than usual.”

“I’ll have a word with them.”

Her mouth is set, and James knows her well enough that he doesn’t bother to try and talk her out of it. He shrugs instead. “Good luck.”

“How’s your dad?”

James shrugs again. “No different. He’s annoyed because _Top Gear_ finished.”

A small smile crosses her face, but disappears as quickly as it came. They both fall silent, but James can almost see the wheels turning in his aunt’s head.

“Tea?” James asks.

“Yes, thanks. I’ll tidy up a bit while you make it.”

By the time James is back with the tea, the room is spotless. Just one of the many times that Aunt Hermione’s job with the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes has come in handy outside of work.

They sit on the sofa and James knows exactly what she is going to ask next.

“Have you thought any more about the hospital?”

James shakes his head vigorously. “He’s not going to St Mungo’s again. I don’t care what they say they can do. I only just got him away from that sideshow.”

Aunt Hermione smiles sadly. “I know. But he’s not really getting better.”

“Well, the Healer said the new potions can take up to two months to work properly. He’s only been on them for a month.”

“James -”

He looks at her and is surprised to see her eyes shining with tears. She’s a strong woman, his aunt - when his mother had died she had been the one rushing around organising portkeys, spare beds and hot meals, rather than collapsing in a heap like Harry.

“What are you going to do if he doesn’t get better?”

James stills. “He will get better.”

Aunt Hermione moves to grasp his hand and he wants to pull away. “Have you thought about a nurse?”

“I can’t - I don’t want anyone else in the house. I won’t trust them.”

“We’d screen them properly, or get someone we know.”

James shakes his head then stares at Hermione defiantly. “No.”

Although he wants to sound strong, his voice comes out in a pathetic whisper. Aunt Hermione holds his gaze for a moment, searching, then looks away.

“Alright, then. Just remember they’re options, okay? And don’t hesitate to call me - for anything.”

James nods and they drink their tea, moving onto the topic of Lily and her latest headline. ‘ _Teen Socialites Caught Underage Drinking - Again!_ ’ This had led to a slew of smaller articles regarding the ‘mysterious’ health problems of Harry Potter and his inability to keep track of his daughter, and an investigation into why the _Lumos_ nightclub had not been charged for giving the girls alcohol.

After finishing her tea, Hermione heads upstairs to see Harry while James sinks back into the sofa. He knows logically that home is not the best place for Harry, and that he is not the best nurse. But ever since the stalker incident, the crazy witch who managed to break through St Mungo’s security and take photographs of an ill Harry for all the world to see, James can’t stomach the thought of sending him back there. The man who had once been brave enough to walk to his own death had been disproportionately terrified by the incident, and James never wants to see Harry in that state again. Two breakdowns were bad enough. James isn’t sure he can handle it if Harry has another one. Conflicting thoughts swirl through James’ mind and he closes his eyes, willing his current headache to pass. He’s not sure how long he sits there, leaning back against the sofa, but it seems like just minutes before Aunt Hermione is back and perched next to him again.

“James?”

James opens one eye and peers at the blur of bushy hair.

“Are you all right? It’s just that… well, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this anyway…”

James begrudgingly opens his eyes and turns his attention to his aunt. Her eyes are directed at his wrist where his sleeve has ridden up. James quickly tries to cover up the flaking scabs surrounded by dark purple bruises.

“James.” When Aunt Hermione gets serious about something she seems to really like using his name. “I went to see Teddy the other day.”

James’ head snaps up and he narrows his eyes at the look on his aunt’s face. “Why?”

“He -” her eyes close briefly, and she seems to struggle to find the right words. “–I’m worried about you, James. The bruises and the marks, and I _know_ that you don’t see anything wrong with it but he can’t keep doing this to you!”

James feels anger flare up and he sits upright. “Doing _what_ to me? What do you think he’s doing?”

“Look. I know you love him, but love’s not always a good thing. It shouldn’t put you in a situation where you do anything you don’t want to, or anything -”

“He’s not – I want him to do it! It’s entirely consensual, it’s not whatever you seem to think it is!”

Aunt Hermione mirrors James’ favourite action of rubbing the spot between her eyes. “I’m just trying to look out for you, James.”

James grunts with exasperation. “I don’t need looking out for, not in this way! I’m perfectly happy, and Teddy’s not beating me up or whatever you think it is. He’s not a fucking monster!”

Aunt Hermione looks shocked, but she presses on. “Well, Teddy didn’t want to talk about it at all. He’s just not _good_ for you, James. We all know he’s got… a lot to deal with. I’m just afraid that all his frustrations are being taken out on you.”

James’ teeth are clenched, and he tries to think of a way out of this argument. Once Aunt Hermione has her mind set on something, it can be very hard to make her see sense. “I just – can we not talk about this, please? It’s fine, really. Things are fine. Teddy’s the only good thing in my stupid life.”

Aunt Hermione purses her lips as she realises she’s fighting a losing battle. She gently rests a hand on James’ knee and frowns as he flinches. “I left Teddy some information about places that can help him. I think it’s a good idea if you read it as well, and try to convince him to go and see someone.”

James scowls, trying desperately to hold in the anger welling inside him. He knows there is nothing wrong with Teddy, and he can’t work out why his aunt’s doing this. She stands to leave and hugs him again but, like a petulant child, he refuses to hug back. As she floos out of the living room, James squeezes his eyes shut and tries to control the rage coursing through his shaking body.

 

* * *

 

They say the first time is always the best. James would be inclined to agree, if it wasn’t for the fact that Teddy knows just how to up the ante, knows how to outdo himself every time, so that James is always left breathless and shocked and begging for release. But there is one moment in a very long line of ‘firsts’ that James will never forget. Not the first kiss, or the first blowjob, or the first time they had sex. No, the first time Teddy bit him was the start of it all. The beginning of a whole new world. The moment of realisation, of discovery. The spike of arousal so intense that James jerked and came seconds after, his release unrestrained like never before. The werewolf in Teddy seems to find the act incredibly erotic, and more often than not their sessions end with a bite that James never heals. Teddy’s bite marks are a part of James, a beautiful scar, a mark of ownership and surrender. When Harry breaks through the wards around the potions and tries to take them all at once, when Lily still isn’t home the morning after a night out, or when Al turns his music up so loud that nobody can sleep, James runs his fingers over the first scar – a perfect little arc on the muscle running between his neck and his left shoulder – and lets the thought of Teddy heal him.

 

* * *

 

James blinks as he steps out of the floo and into the flat. The plain whiteness of the walls is startling, and the place looks so much bigger when it’s empty. His body processes the scene before his mind does, and he is already checking the bedroom for signs of life before he realises what this means.

Teddy’s gone.

James’ eyes blur as panic grips his chest.

“Teddy?” Calling his name is futile. The flat is empty and even clean, which is an improvement on its state when Teddy occupied it. James leans dazedly against the bedroom wall and tries to think. Had Teddy said anything about moving? About going away?

James shakes his head. He doesn’t understand. His stomach churns and tries to leap out through his mouth, but the sound of the floo thankfully distracts it.

“Teddy?” James races into the living room, only to stop dead when he’s faced with a gnarled wand. The woman on the other end of can only be described as a crone, an old, wrinkled specimen who nonetheless looks fierce enough to hex off his bollocks in an instant.

“Who are you?” she sneers.

James is more confused than ever. “Where’s Teddy?”

She has to hear the desperation in his voice but she narrows her eyes and doesn’t answer. “How’d you get in?”

It seems such an irrelevant question that James is startled. “Floo!”

“Oh.” She lets her arm relax and her wand drop slightly. “I must’ve forgotten to change the wards.”

James blinks. “Change the wards? Where’s Teddy?”

“He left. A few days ago. Just received an owl saying he was going, then by the time I got here he was already gone. Took everything but didn’t clean the place. It’s taken me two solid days just to get it to this state.”

James finds himself sinking to his knees in the middle of the empty living room.

“What? He didn’t tell you?”

James shakes his head. When he looks up at the landlady, her eyes are judging him, and he can’t stand it.

James tries to hold back a pathetic sob. “Did he say anything about where he was going?”

“No. Just that he was leaving, that’s all. He did leave a couple of things behind though. You may as well have ‘em, as you’re the only person who’s come asking.” She shuffles over to the chipped kitchen bench and slides some colourful bits of paper his way. “The lad obviously has problems of various sorts.”

James picks up the papers, only to find that they are brochures left by Aunt Hermione. A bright yellow leaflet asking _Do You Drink Too Much?_ , and a black one claiming that _We Can Help You Find the Way Out of Spousal Abuse_. Leafing disbelievingly through the flyers, James discovers that his aunt suspects Teddy of every possible vice - alcohol, violence, drugs, sex. He picks himself up off the floor and heads unsteadily towards the floo.

“If you find him, tell him he owes me money. The place didn’t clean itself, you know.”

James can’t stop himself from flinging a hex over his shoulder.

 

* * *

 

James and Teddy have always been a private pair, and Teddy’s flat is their shelter. But there had been one occasion where they had ventured out, and the memory of that night still takes James’ breath away.

It had been a cold and foggy October evening, and James had gratefully reached Teddy’s just after dark. When he arrived, Teddy was already dressed to go out, bundled up in a thick coat, scarf, and hat, an unlit cigarette dangling between his lips. Although he knew that Teddy obviously had to shop like everyone else, it was the first time that James had actually seen him do so. Teddy had looked at James in surprise, as if he had forgotten that James was coming over. In those days, he would always floo-call first, before he discovered that Teddy was almost always home and always willing.

“You going out?” James asked, frowning.

“Yeah,” said Teddy, “was going to. Shopping. And I’ve gotta meet someone.”

“Oh.” James tried to hide the disappointment in his voice while also lowering it slightly. “I was really, you know, looking forward to being with you tonight.”

Teddy had looked at him in slight confusion then, and James used the opportunity to slowly pull off his jumper. He wasn’t usually the forward type, but he was desperate for Teddy’s attention. He knew innately that he could not let Teddy put this ‘meeting’ before him. James had stood there in only his low jeans and underwear while Teddy looked him over, the cigarette twitching between Teddy’s lips.

“Come on, Teddy. I really wanted you to use your hands on me tonight.” James loves to be spanked, and Teddy loves to spank. He knew that proposition would be the best distraction for Teddy. James slowly reached toward his waistband and began to unbutton his jeans, jolting in relief as he noticed a bulge in Teddy’s trousers that was also beginning to twitch. Teddy reached down to rest his hand on it, looking torn.

“Put your clothes back on, James.”

James opened his mouth to protest but Teddy held up a hand. “I want you to come with me. I can’t get out of this thing.”

James could hardly wipe the smile off his face as he hastened to re-dress himself.

A couple of minutes later, they were standing outside a small Tesco Express, shivering from the cold.

“Can you go in and get me some things, James, while I go and meet this guy? I won’t be long, just a couple of minutes.” Teddy’s hand lingered on James’ arse as he spoke, and James couldn’t help but grind against him slightly. Teddy handed him a hastily scrawled shopping list then disappeared with a wry grin.

James trawled the shop with the basket hiding his prominent erection, lazily picking out the items on Teddy’s list. He liked being out with Teddy. Doing such mundane tasks together was the mark of a _real_ couple, as far as James was concerned, and the thought made him warm and happy despite the cold. And it wasn’t long before Teddy was back, his arms crossed over his chest, trying to warm himself. He seemed noticeably more relaxed.

“I’m done,” Teddy said, resting a hand on the small of James’ back. “Let’s get out of here.”

James followed willingly, doing his best to hide the bulge in his jeans as Teddy paid for the shopping. No sooner were they outside when Teddy pushed James into the neighbouring alleyway, a low growl sending shockwaves straight to James’ groin.

“Do you want me to take you here, right now?” Teddy asked, his voice dangerously gruff.

James swallowed as an unexpected surge of excitement hit him. “Gods, yes,” he breathed, unsure where the answer had even come from. The logical part of his brain was most certainly not an exhibitionist, but the way Teddy had been rubbing up against him and the wonderful experience of being out in the world together caused James’ inhibitions to slip.

The shopping bags clattered to the ground as Teddy pushed him against the rough brick wall, his lips closing over James’ in a searing kiss. James pushed his hips forward, trying desperately to grind his groin into Teddy’s, and Teddy obliged by pressing back. They rutted brutally against each other, reminiscent of their first night together. As they began to warm up from the exertion and the friction, Teddy grabbed James by the shoulder and turned him around roughly, pushing him against the dirty wall.

“Pull your jeans down,” Teddy demanded, one hand winding into James’ hair.

James hurried to obey, frantically unbuttoning his jeans and pushing them and his boxers down to just below his groin. Teddy’s free hand trailed a line over the old scars and welts on James’ buttocks, the icy coldness causing James to shiver.

“You promised me earlier, James, that I could use my hands.”

“Yes,” hissed James, arching back into Teddy’s touch.

“Just think of all the people who could see. See me _spank_ ing you-”

On the word _spank_ Teddy brought his hand down to slap James, causing him to jump then moan with lust.

“-right here in the-” _spank_ “-alleyway.”

Teddy’s hand tightened its grip into James’ hair and James couldn’t help but bring his hand down to stroke his excruciatingly hard cock.

“Gods, your arse is so red I can see it even in the dark. Criss-crossed-” _spank_ “with such nasty lines.”

James pulled his prick harder, wanting desperately for Teddy to go further.

“Do you want me to fuck you, James? Right here in this alleyway?”

James’ assenting moan was interrupted by a loud “ _oh!_ ” at the entrance to the alley. A middle-aged lady carrying shopping bags had stopped, gaping at them as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. James felt Teddy’s hand tighten in his hair and he called out to her.

“What’s wrong, love? You want to join in?” The chuckle that followed told James that the comment had had the desired effect and the lady was gone.

Teddy’s free hand rubbed over his stinging arse cheeks yet again and James whimpered. “Fucking do it, Teddy!”

“Okay, but there’s no lube, and I really don’t have the time to prepare you.”

Before James could respond, Teddy’s prick was pressing into his tight, dry arsehole. Although James wanted to throw his head back and scream, Teddy’s hand held it pressed firmly against the wall, and all James could do was whimper as his muscles gave way to the intruder. His own cock pulsed mercilessly, and if James had been lucid enough he might have stopped to wonder how something so painful could be such a turn-on. Teddy paused briefly, leaning forward to nip James’ neck, and James found himself pressing backwards, forcing that thick cock further into his protesting hole.

“Yesss…” James hissed as Teddy began to pump in and out.

“Nngghh!” responded Teddy, “so tight!”

James’ hand continued to pull on his cock, bringing him closer and closer to the edge. He pushed back into Teddy, meeting him with every thrust. A few more strokes and James was jerking and coming, splattering the brick wall in front of him, his arse convulsing around Teddy’s thick cock. Teddy grunted and sped up his pace, his hand twisting so that James was sure he was about to pull out a clump of hair. James panted, glad now that he had the wall for support, as he waited for Teddy to finish. A loud gurgle behind him signified the start of Teddy’s orgasm and James squeezed his tender muscles around Teddy’s pulsating prick, milking the seed out of him. They stayed in place, panting for a moment, before Teddy threw an arm around James’ waist. After a quick check to make sure no one was looking, Teddy Apparated them directly to his flat, leaving the abandoned shopping behind. They had made love twice more at home, and Teddy had even sucked James’ cock, his teeth scraping mercilessly over the head.

Although the sex outside had been an incredible experience, James still preferred Teddy’s flat for their rendezvous. There, he could wrap himself in Teddy’s strong arms and let someone hold him for a while. He could close his eyes while Teddy whipped the lash across his exposed buttocks, and forget to breathe when his mouth was wrapped around Teddy’s straining cock. He could flout responsibility when Teddy took him bare, and relinquish control when the cold handcuffs wrapped around his wrists. But, most of all, he could let the rawness and the power of Teddy’s insistent thrusting act as his only therapy.

Without Teddy and the flat, James is lost.

 

* * *

 

What was the last thing Teddy said to him? He can’t remember, because Teddy had been asleep when James had left the last time. So their final conversation probably only involved dirty talk. James curls into the foetal position and mentally slaps himself when he feels tears well up. Teddy would not have left him. He wouldn’t just go without saying goodbye, he wouldn’t up and leave without an explanation. Maybe they aren’t technically _boyfriends_ or anything like that, but they’re still as essential to each other as the sun to the earth. James’ hands reach for his head in despair and confusion, and he winces when he slides them down to hold the nape of his neck. There is a recent bite mark there, a delicious wound that trickled blood when Teddy had removed the small chunk of flesh from James’ body. Pressing on it now helps numb the pain.

James would like to be able to leap into action, to throw himself after Teddy like the Gryffindor he’s meant to be. But he can’t think, he doesn’t know where Teddy’s gone and he doesn’t know where to start looking. He should have talked to Teddy more, should have found out more about his life. He imagines Teddy trapped somewhere, trying desperately to get a message to James, begging to be saved. Although the thought is horrible, James gets a strange thrill from it. He could be Teddy’s hero.

James realises it’s time for the whole potions-and-supper routine and he cleans himself up, his head foggy. _This is it_ , he thinks bitterly. _This is my fucking life_. He drags himself down to the kitchen, and to his surprise, Lily is there spreading jam on a slice of bread. James forces himself to smile.

“Hi, Lil.”

Lily glares up at him, heavily kohl-rimmed eyes making her look even sluttier than usual. “Don’t bother trying, James.”

He feels a familiar stab of helplessness at her words. When did his sister come to hold him in so much contempt? Once upon a time, she had looked up to him. She had let him take her on piggy-back rides, had enjoyed their games of hide and seek and had listened to his stories during his first few years at Hogwarts.

Despite her rebuke, he decides to try again. “Can we talk for a minute? Like real people, for once?”

Lily is silent as she drops the knife into the jam jar and carries her bread to the kitchen table.

“I don’t know what we could possibly have to talk about. I don’t _like_ you, James, and neither does Al. The only thing you’re good for is shopping.” She holds up the jammy bread for emphasis.

James tries to bite his tongue as the rage once again courses through him, but his mood is already so fragile that he can’t hold it in. His voice sounds fierce and strange. “Lily, do you even _know_ what a little bitch you are? I’ve only ever tried to look after you, and what the _fuck_ do I get out of it?”

If Lily’s surprised at her brother’s uncharacteristic aggression she doesn’t show it. She doesn’t miss a beat before her comeback is searing him. “Merlin, James, hasn’t your boyfriend been slipping you enough dick lately?”

James’ hand is around Lily’s slender neck before he knows what he’s doing. All he knows is that there’s something horrible, something evil and seething and _inhumane_ inside him and all it wants is for him to squeeze that delicate pale flesh until the scornful throat never utters another word. Lily’s eyes widen as she chokes, and with the aid of the kohl she takes on a ghoulish appearance.

“ _James!_ ”

At the sound of his name behind him, James turns his head to discover Al staring in horror. As Lily succeeds in pushing the jam-covered bread into James’ face, cruel reality hits him and he lets her go, not caring that she falls heavily on the kitchen floor. James gasps in shock, overpowering Lily’s gasps for breath. As Al runs to Lily, James turns and bolts without even checking if she is all right.

 

 

* * * 

 

Locked in his room, James replays the scene over and over in his head. He can hear the television blaring in Harry’s room, and the dull beat of Al’s music reverberating through the floorboards. James casts a silencing charm, and leafs once again through the brochures. He tries not to let himself think about what he’s just done, so he thinks about Teddy instead. There is only one possible explanation he can come up with, one reason that Teddy would have left so suddenly. _Break the Cycle of Dependency_ , suggests a brochure, and James feels yet another burst of anger hurl itself out of him. He throws the brochures to the floor, sick of the sight of them. How did this happen? The last remaining thread holding his life together has been cut, and all he can do is sit and stew and ruin his family even more than it already has been.

James is so frustrated that he doesn’t know where Teddy’s gone. Teddy doesn’t know anybody else, he doesn’t associate with family or friends any more. The flat was James’ only connection to him, and it had never even occurred to him that one day that connection could be broken. James picks up the brochures, just for something to do, and a small piece of parchment catches his eye. It’s inside the _Wizarding Job Network_ brochure, but the edge is just poking out. James pulls it, and at first he stares in idle confusion at the random jumble of numbers written on it. It looks vaguely familiar, and it takes just a second before James realises why. It’s a telephone number. At least he thinks it is. It looks similar to the one Aunt Hermione gave Harry, the one that’s now stuck on the cupboard next to Harry’s bed.

James pockets the parchment and takes a deep breath. Harry still needs supper and potions, but he’s been avoiding the kitchen since the incident. Relieved to find it empty, he quickly scrambles some eggs for Harry, trying not to look at the abandoned piece of squashed jammy bread on the floor. The jam is raspberry, bright red, and the colour alone takes James’ mind to places too dark for his own good.

Harry is curled up in his bed when James enters, and he refuses to look up, choosing instead to cover his face with his arms as he shakes.

“Har – Dad.” James says gently, reaching down to rest a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder. “I’m sorry, I got caught up in something and lost track of time. But I’ve got your potions now, and your supper.”

Harry slowly turns his face towards James, and James feels a pang of guilt when he sees the tear tracks marring the once-handsome face.

“I thought you’d gone,” Harry whispers.

James bites his lip and shakes his head. He wants desperately to be able to tell his father the truth about everything, about Teddy and Lily and Al, and to be comforted and told that everything is going to be all right. But those days are long gone.

As Harry sits up, wiping away the last of the tears, and reaches for his eggs, James opens the drawer of the bedside table and pulls out the mobile phone.

“I’ve just got to talk to someone on this, Dad. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Harry nods, looking curious but not asking.

James heads back to his room and casts another silencing spell. He hopes against hope that Teddy will be on the other end of the phone, but he knows it is extremely unlikely. As far as he knows Teddy has never owned a telephone. James pulls out the parchment and enters the numbers into the phone, glad that Hermione has also taught him how to use it. He holds the phone to his ear and his stomach churns as he hears it ring on the other end.

“Hello?” The voice is bleary, like someone has just woken from a deep sleep.

“Um, hello? Who’s this?”

“What do you mean ‘who’s this?’ You called me!”

James didn’t prepare anything to say and now he’s stuck.

“I’m… I’m looking for Teddy Lupin.”

“Ain’t no Teddy Lupin here, mate. Y’must have the wrong number.”

“Oh. Do you know Teddy at all? It’s just… I found this number in his flat, and I need to find out where he is.”

“Are you the brass?” The man’s voice has turned gruff, and James feels like he’s said something wrong. He doesn’t even know what ‘the brass’ is.

“Um… no?”

“Well, if you are, you know it’s entrapment now.”

“I… I don’t know what you mean.”

“Look mate, if you’re not going to tell me who you are and what you want with Teddy, then I’m hanging up right now.”

James feels his stomach drop at the same time as the elation hits him. “No, no! I’m James, I’m a friend of his, and he’s disappeared and I just need to find him.”

There is silence on the end of the phone and James wonders if the man has indeed hung up.

“Okay, I’m only telling you this because I am a good guy and I’m worried about Teddy. He’s a client of mine, and kind of a friend as well.”

“A client?”

“Yeah. Let’s just say I help keep him happy. Teddy came to me a couple of days ago, wanted to buy out almost my entire supply of the good stuff. I asked questions, of course, cos I don’t want anyone taking over my turf. Anyway, I eventually found out that he’s got a new job that’s making him a load of money. There’s a catch though - if you want to find him, mate, Knockturn Alley’s the place to go. I don’t know any more than that.”

James sits, stunned and unable to respond. He’s torn between the excitement of having a lead on Teddy’s whereabouts, and the confusion of Teddy having anything to do with Knockturn Alley.

“You’re a wizard then?”

“No more questions, mate. I don’t know anything else.”

“Okay, okay,” says James, and the man hangs up before James has the chance to thank him.

He puts the phone down on the bed, his heart beating wildly. Knockturn Alley. Teddy’s in _Knockturn Alley_? That makes no sense at all. Maybe he isn’t the typical ‘good boy’, but he’s certainly not bad. Not Knockturn Alley-bad, anyway. The pamphlets seem to stare up at James, taunting him. He knows his Aunt Hermione is usually right, but this time she just can’t be. She has Teddy all wrong. Teddy is perfect. All the things he’s been through in his twenty-four years – losing his parents, losing his grandmother, losing Harry, being hated for what his father was, being rejected and dismissed at every turn. And his aunt had to go and provoke Teddy even more, act as if he’s nothing better than cauldron scum! Always assuming that she knows best, always going _on_ at James about the hospital and Harry’s care. As James dwells on these thoughts, anger wells up inside him again. He’s sure that the brochures are the reason for Teddy going. It’s too much of a coincidence that Aunt Hermione had just visited Teddy, and too convenient that Teddy had left only the brochures behind. She was meant to be the person he could trust, the one who would look out for him. But even she, his dear Aunt, would sink so low as to put her own stupid opinions before his wants and needs. James lets the enraged tears come now, the bitter taste of betrayal flavouring them.

He knows what he has to do, as without Teddy, there is nothing for him here. He loves his family, but the simple fact is that he needs Teddy more. Al and Lily don’t want him, they do their best to ignore his existence as it is, and who knows what problems he’s caused by the incident in the kitchen? He would leave Harry to Hermione. She has caused this, after all. It is only fair that she should have a hand in fixing it. Determined now, James stands up and roughly wipes away fresh tears.

The owl to his aunt is short.

> _Teddy’s gone. You’ll need to look after Harry while I find him._
> 
> _I hope you’re satisfied._
> 
> _James._
> 
> _P.S. Tell Al and Lily I’m sorry. They know what about._

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People assume that James Potter has everything. But what he really has is a father who won’t get out of bed, an unhelpfully reclusive brother, and the Wizarding World’s answer to Peaches Geldof for a sister. When Teddy Lupin, the only good thing in James’ life, goes missing, how will James cope? And how is his Aunt Hermione involved in Teddy’s disappearance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much to [](http://odditor.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://odditor.livejournal.com/)**odditor** for the amazing beta.

James stares nervously in the window of Borgin & Burke’s. Back when his dad talked about the war, he told James all about the shop and his experiences spying on the Malfoys. It looks even older and dingier than his father had described, and only Borgin is left now. After the war, there had been a crackdown on dark objects, and although it now claims to only sell antiques, everybody knows that Borgin still sells illegal items out of his backroom.

Taking a deep breath, James pushes open the door. He doesn’t want to be here. The dark magic seems to seep from the very earth around the shop, and James isn’t sure if he can handle what’s inside. But he knows he must, as Teddy is depending on James to find him, to talk to him and help him with whatever caused him to leave. James has to save him.

Borgin is sitting behind the counter, a lock of greasy hair hanging over his face. He looks old and so miserably bored that James is struck with the thought that death would surely be the better option for the man. James approaches tentatively, his stomach tightening as Borgin refuses to acknowledge him.

“Um, excuse me?”

A grunt is doled out in return and James falters. He has never been good at talking to strangers, but it seems to have happened so much in the last few days that he should surely be all right at it by now.

“Er… I was just wondering if I could ask you a question… Sir?”

A bloodshot eye swings slowly his way, and he wonders if Borgin has actually been sleeping with his eyes open. There’s another grunt, and James takes that as a sign to keep talking.

“How would I find someone in Knockturn Alley? If I know they’re here but I don’t know where?”

Borgin’s face remains expressionless. James is sure his dad had mentioned that he was quite the personable salesman, but the spark seems to have long gone out of him. He shakes his head, as if waking from a dream, and peers suspiciously at James.

“A nice young lad like you shouldn’t be looking for anyone around here,” he croaks out. “But if you still want to carry on, go and see Rufus at the Rat & Doxy. He knows everything that goes on.” He nods towards the ramshackle pub over the road and then promptly settles back into his previous position, stilling again. James mutters a word of thanks and hastily leaves the shop. He successfully dodges a filthy street-seller as he makes his way to the pub, hand hovering close to his wand pocket. So far, so good, but he’s expecting his luck to run out any moment.

Inside, the pub is surprisingly full considering it’s a weekday. He feels eyes bore into him as he crosses the room to the bar, desperately trying not to make eye contact. The bartender is a large, large man with a beard and no teeth. James gets the feeling he has both instigated and broken up many a bar fight.

He tentatively leans on the bar and waits for the man to notice him. The whole place smells of mildew and old firewhiskey, and James tries to breathe as shallowly as possible. The man catches sight of James and his eyes rake him up and down, making James feels like piece of meat.

“What can I do for you, lad?”

“I’m looking for Rufus. I’m told he can help me find someone.”

The man grins toothlessly and James tries not to retch. “That’s me. Who are you trying to find?”

“Um, his name’s Teddy, and I have a photo of him.” James pulls out a photo taken last Christmas. He had taken it while Teddy was asleep on Christmas afternoon, and James had wanted something to remember their anniversary by. Rufus reaches out for the photo and studies it, making a show of turning it sideways and back and looking closely.

“Looks familiar.”

James feels hope soar through his chest.

“I think he’s one of the Cockatrice boys.” He pauses then turns to yell to a patron at the far end of the bar. “Hey, Larry!”

Larry hauls himself off his barstool and pushes his way through the crowd. He is no more attractive than Rufus.

“You seen this one about?” He holds up the photo, and Larry instantly smirks and nods.

“Yep. He’s new, and bloody amazing at what he does.”

“Where can I find him?” asks James desperately. He’s so close he can feel Teddy’s teeth on his neck, cleaving the skin to sate James’ lust.

Rufus and Larry exchange sideways glances.

“Aren’t you a bit young for that sort of thing?” asks Rufus, frowning.

James is rapidly getting sick of the judgments he’s receiving. “I’m of age. I can do whatever I want.”

“Okay,” says Larry. “Whatever.” He hands the photo back to James. “Down the end of the alley, last building on the right. The Cockatrice Club, though it’s unmarked. Just walk straight in and wait in the lounge for someone to attend to you. Anyone questions you, tell them Larry sent you.”

James thanks them repeatedly, and leaves before he passes out from lack of oxygen.

 

* * *

 

The waiting room of the Cockatrice Club is hopelessly tatty. James fidgets and paces impatiently. He can’t work out what kind of place this is – the lounge looks like the living room of a normal but very run-down house. After a few minutes and no sign of life, James gives up and decides to take the initiative. Teddy is here, somewhere. He can feel it. He can almost taste it. He ventures quietly down a hallway, trying to ignore the peeling paint and flickering candles. The first door he comes to is slightly open, so he peers through the crack, heart beating furiously. From what James can see the room is empty, and there is no sound or sign of movement. He creeps further down the hallway, stopping only when he comes across a closed door. Pressing his ear to it, he hears muffled sounds of life. James can’t decide what to do next. His instincts are telling him to burst in there and save Teddy from whatever danger he must surely be facing, but this is Knockturn Alley, after all. Getting himself hexed is not going to help anyone. James’ hand drifts to his pocket, where his wand and shrunken invisibility cloak lie. Although his father had gifted it to him when he was younger, after James’ mother died Harry had reclaimed the cloak, forbidding his children to use it anymore. James had fed Harry a sleeping draught in order to steal it from the bedside table, and he feels yet another pang of guilt at the thought.

He wraps himself in the cloak and, wand ready, slowly opens the door. It’s too dark to make anything out initially, but James steps through, silently closing the door behind him. The first thing that hits him is the smell – it smells like damp, like socks left in the washing machine for too long. The second, however, is much, much worse. In the middle of the room is a bed, disproportionately large and occupied by two moaning figures. James’ head tells him that he should leave. He has obviously come to the wrong place. Best to go back into the hallway and keep searching. As James decides that this is the right move, his eyes adjust to the dinginess and he begins to make the figures out more clearly. One of them groans wantonly and rolls to the side, and James feels as if he has been hit with a stunning spell. It surely has to be a coincidence that the man has blue hair. The other is heavy, but looks meek and submissive in a studded collar and nothing else. The blue-haired man – _not Teddy_ , screams James’ brain – is behind him, almost spooning, thrusting steadily in and out while he grips the fat man’s thinning locks. Neither of them has noticed James’ presence, and he feels his knees give way slightly. This doesn’t make sense. Possible explanations whip across James’ mind. Polyjuice seems to be the most logical. Obviously someone has taken a liking to Teddy, and stolen a strand of hair so they can pretend to be fucked by him. Because Teddy wouldn’t fuck anyone else, he knows he belongs to James. He surely knows that James can’t live without him.

James is fully seated on the floor now, his arms clutched around his knees as he watches in horror. Maybe he can stop them? Maybe he should grow some balls, stand up and hex the life out of the man who is being fucked by his lover’s look-alike, but for the moment he’s too dazed to do anything. The movements and the moans become more vigorous and the couple change position again. Still behind the fat man, the fake Teddy takes him doggy-style, a heavy hand striking the jiggling buttocks. He thrusts violently, and as the man’s wails reach fever pitch, impostor Teddy leans down and bites him squarely on the shoulder.

James wants to vomit.

With a cry, the man shudders and comes while fake Teddy arches behind him before collapsing heavily. There is almost total silence, marked only by the sound of heavy breathing, and James just holds back a whimper as the unlikely couple break apart.

The bigger man rolls out of bed and begins to dress himself in silence. Once he’s done, he turns to the impostor and leers. “You’re pretty damn good.”

Dark eyes stare at the man as if the conclusion was obvious.

“I’ll be back next week, I think.”

Fake Teddy nods in acknowledgement and watches the man head towards the door. James has enough sense to crawl out of the way, narrowly avoiding tripping him. As soon as he’s gone, impostor Teddy stands and begins to perform cleaning charms on himself and on the bed. James knows he has to get to the bottom of this, to find out who’s impersonating Teddy and stop him. Teddy may not be an angel, but he certainly doesn’t need the world to think he’s a whore.

James moves swiftly, emboldened by the protection of the invisibility cloak. His wand is against the man’s neck before he even knows he’s there, and James lets the cloak slip from his shoulders.

“Who are you?” he hisses as the impostor slowly raises his hands.

“J- James? What the fuck?”

“I know you’re not Teddy, you bastard. Who are you and what have you done with him?”

The impostor’s face scrunches up as if he is confused.

“James, I think we need to talk about this calmly.” The man begins to back away from James’ wand, and James uses the opportunity to cast _Finite Incantatem_. Nothing happens.

“Polyjuice then, is it?” James asks, his voice trembling with rage. “Tell me what you’ve done with Teddy or I’ll hex your bollocks off, right now!”

“For fuck’s sake, James, I am Teddy. Teddy Remus Lupin! You _know_ me!”

“You’re not! Teddy wouldn’t do this. Teddy is not a cheap whore!”

The man’s mouth twitches then, just like Teddy’s does when he’s amused.

“No, you’re right. It turns out Teddy Lupin is an expensive whore.”

James roars with anger at this, and he is just about to cast a full body-bind curse when the man’s stunning spell hits him first, and the world goes black.

 

* * *

 

“Fuck, James, you shouldn’t have come here.”

The haze begins to clear from James’ eyes and he tries to move, but finds he can’t.

“I’ve tied you down because you’re fucking nuts.”

James snarls at the impostor and strains against his bonds.

“I know you don’t seem to believe it’s me, but it is. I really wasn’t expecting anyone to come after me.”

James tries to take a deep breath, willing himself to calm down. “I know you’re not Teddy, because Teddy wouldn’t do this. He – he loves me.”

The man’s face goes slack then, and he looks shocked. James has to admit he’s a good impersonator; the way he’s worrying the cigarette in his mouth is so reminiscent of Teddy that it hurts.

“I don’t know what you think has been going on, but I don’t love you, James.”

The words stab James through the stomach. “Fuck off, and bring Teddy to me.”

“Shit, James. I thought we just – wasn’t it just sex?”

James can’t stop his body from shaking, but he decides not to take the bait. This man knows where Teddy is, and he frantically tries to work out a plan. Maybe if he plays along, pretends he believes it’s him. Maybe then he’ll have the advantage.

“Seriously, what the fuck am I going to do with you? If Serge comes back he’ll go spare. I’m his new prized possession.” The impostor looks proud of this and James spits at him.

He wipes the spit from his face and closes his eyes briefly. “What can I do to convince you? Do you want me to recount our first time? What about the present I gave you for your tenth birthday? A book on werewolves, if I remember rightly. The last thing Grandpa Weasley said to you before he died? He told you to look after your family. Is that what you’re doing now? Because it doesn’t fucking seem like it.”

James struggles against his bonds, cursing the man for daring to question _his_ priorities and wishing like hell that his dad had taught him some good wandless magic. His plans fly out the window in his fury. “How do you know this stuff? What did you do, torture Teddy? Where is he?”

The impostor laughs dangerously. “ _Fuck_ , James! You are seriously deluded, aren’t you? Okay, how about this? You have a mole in between your arse cheeks, just above and to the left of your tight little hole. Sometimes when I fuck you I gouge my fingernail into it, just to see what reaction I’ll get. Usually it makes you moan and push back harder.”

James pauses, disgusted at the way his eyes are brimming with tears.

“I’ve seen you in a similar position to this one before, except I used handcuffs on you that time. We pretended you had been locked up for being a naughty boy, and I was your punishment. I fucked you with your favourite dildo, the huge black one, while the nipple clamps squeezed around your sensitive little nipples. You called me ‘Mister’, and it was fucking hot, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m not, and never have been, in love with you.”

The tears are streaming down James’ face, but his head clears enough that he remembers he needs to play along. “Why are you doing this, Teddy?”

“What, fucking random men for a shitload of galleons? Why do you think? I have a talent, obviously, you can attest to that. But you don’t pay me for it. I have needs, James, and I can make, _fuck_ , I can make hundreds of galleons a _night_ here. I’m not doing anything different, except now it’s my job. Your Aunt Hermione was determined about two things, James. I should get a job, and I should stop ‘abusing’ you. I’ve succeeded in both, so everyone should be happy.”

The man sits back and takes a deep drag on his cigarette. As footsteps sound in the hallway, he jumps and swears loudly.

“Fuck, James, it’s Serge. You’re fucked now.”

The door opens and a big hulk of a man lumbers into the room. If James didn’t know better, he would think that Serge might have giant in him. As he walks through the door, his voice rumbles through the room.

“Teddy? What are you doing? Your next appointment’s waiting –“

He stops short as he catches sight of James strapped to the bed. “Who the fuck is this?”

James sees the impostor take a deep breath. “He was a friend of mine. He came after me.”

“Why the fuck is he in here while Larry waits outside? One of my best fucking customers!”

“Sorry, Serge,” the fake Teddy says, his voice trembling slightly. “He’s insane, he broke in and tried to hex me. I had to restrain him.”

Serge moves closer to the bed and peers into James’ face. His rotting breath reaches James’ nostrils and he tries not to gag. “Scrawny little cunt, isn’t he? What did he want?”

Cruel chuckles startle James. “Wants me to come home, I think. He thought he was rescuing me.”

Serge growls and sneers at James. “Did he now? Well, he obviously doesn’t know the punishment for wankers who try to steal my boys, especially such valuable ones.”

Serge lifts his wand and the ropes are suddenly released from around James’ wrists and ankles. Before James can move, Serge’s huge hands are gripping his waist, and he finds himself roughly flung over Serge’s shoulder.

“Right, Teddy. I’ll sort out this little fucker while you attend to Larry. Give him an extra half an hour to make up for the wait.”

James tries to flail and fight as Serge hauls him out the door, but the grip is too tight to fight against. He looks up, only to see the impostor calmly smoothing out the sheets on the bed and preening himself in the mirror. He glances up at James, and smiles tightly as his hair and eyes change colour. Black hair, bright blue eyes. James’ favourite, the way he asked Teddy to morph whenever Teddy would allow him to call the shots.

“Teddy!” James cries. “Fuck, Teddy, help me!”

As the door closes behind them, the last James sees of Teddy is his absolute indifference as he spreads himself out on the bed. Open and waiting, ready for his next fuck.

 

 

* * *

 

It takes an incredible amount of trust to give yourself over to someone completely, to let them violate you and treat you like their personal plaything. That James fell so easily into this routine with Teddy must be saying something. The time with the handcuffs is one of James’ most treasured memories.

Teddy had been particularly playful that night, and when James appeared in his flat he was ready and waiting on the bed, hand on his already-stiff cock. In no time at all he had James in his place, handcuffs rubbing James’ wrists raw as Teddy tugged painfully on his prick. Teddy always seemed to have an innate ability to sense where James’ limit was, and to push it that little bit further every time.

To Teddy, a dildo was not just a penetrative object or a cock replacement. It was a whip, a paddle, a torture device used so skilfully that James had sometimes awoken in a sticky mess after dreaming about it. That particular night, Teddy had procured a new one, large and black with undulating bulbs. James’ eyes had widened in a combination of anticipation and fear.

“Gods I _love_ seeing that look in your eyes.” Teddy had knelt in between James’ legs, his slender body still and calm despite the intense torment he was about to inflict. He roughly pushed one of James’ legs back over his stomach, and James took the cue and copied with the other.

 _Thwack_.

There was no foreplay, no preparation besides the quick tug Teddy had gifted James. The hard jelly dildo struck his buttock violently enough to bring tears to James’ eyes. It was more of a bruising than a stinging kind of pain.

“Do you want another one?” To someone else, the glint in Teddy’s eyes may have been maniacal, but to James it was divine.

“Yes!”

“Yes what?”

“Y-yes Mister!” It was a new title that James hadn’t used before, and he was thrilled at Teddy’s clearly positive reaction.

 _Thwack_.

“Mister!”

 _Thwack_.

James writhed against his bonds as the dildo fell on fresh welts.

 _Thwack_.

Teddy brought it up and paused for a moment, holding it above James. He slowly, almost reverently ran his fingers down it, giving James the chance to really take in the size and shape.

“You’re going to suck it while I get your next surprise. But if it falls out of your mouth, you’ll be in trouble. Understand?”

James nodded in assent. He knew what trouble was. Trouble had resulted in most of the bruises that weren’t on his arse or neck. More than once he had needed to heal his own broken ribs after disobeying an order.

He opened his mouth to allow Teddy to force the dildo in and clamped his teeth around it, trying to get a feel for its weight. Teddy let go and James sucked in his lips and cheeks, willing the dildo to stay upright. It had quite a large bulb on the end, which helped, but its sheer size made it heavy. James sucked desperately, trying to breathe through his nose as he waited for Teddy to return. He was concentrating so hard on the dildo that he didn’t notice the nipple clamps until one was already on, and he would have howled had he been able to. Spikes of pain shot from his nipples and he pulled sharply on the handcuffs, feeling his wrists become slick around the cold metal. After letting him struggle for a moment, Teddy removed the dildo and James took a deep breath, ignoring the saliva coursing down his cheeks and chin.

“Do you like that, James?”

“Yes.”

 _Thwack_. The dildo was brought down across James’ chest, close enough to the nipple clamps to make them wobble painfully.

“Yes _what_?”

“Yes Mister!”

Teddy moved back down between James’ legs and ran rough hands over his inner thighs. He seemed to focus on a particular spot, rubbing firmly, before he leant down and sank his teeth into the soft flesh.

“Errghh!” James tensed as he felt his leg pierced by the sharp teeth.

Teddy released the flesh and ran a finger over the bite, collecting seeping blood on his finger.

“We wouldn’t want to do this without lube, would we?”

He dipped the finger in between James’ cheeks and rubbed it over the tight hole. James squirmed with the sensation, glad to finally get some real pleasure. Gods, he wished he could reach down and slide a hand along his straining cock, but that would defy the point.

The finger entered him now, mercilessly pushing into his hole, slicked only by his own blood. James tried to hold still and relax, but between the handcuffs, the clamps and the throbbing wound on his thigh, it was certainly difficult. Another finger was pressed in, and James squirmed.

“Oh, Mister!”

This made Teddy speed the fingers up, hurriedly adding a third.

“You want to be fucked by this huge dildo, don’t you?”

“Yes, M-mister!”

“It’s a lot thicker than my fingers. Are you going to scream like a girl when I shove it inside you, or are you going to take it like a man?”

“A man, Mister!”

“Good.” Teddy ran the dildo over the bleeding bite mark, and James tried not to flinch. He seemed to consider it for a moment, then spat twice – once onto the dildo and once onto James’ chest.

James felt Teddy press the dildo against his arse. He held his breath, before remembering that breathing deeply was a better idea. His nipples were numb now, and he could feel wet patches on the sheets below his wrists and his thigh. The first bulb was the largest, and James’ hole began to stretch as Teddy pushed it in. He wanted to scream, _gods_ he wanted to scream as the tender flesh tore and the muscles spasmed. But he knew the punishment, and as much as he liked the pain during sex, he preferred to avoid it afterwards if possible.

The first bulb popped past his ring and he relaxed his clenched teeth slightly. The width of it felt amazing inside him, and it rested deliciously on his prostate. He hardly had time to enjoy that before the second bulb was being pressed inside, smaller than the last but still a stretch. Teddy halted its movement when it was halfway in, then began to pull the bulb back and forth through James’ ring.

“This looks fucking incredible. You’re so fucking stretched.”

James clenched involuntarily at the thought and was rewarded with another jolt of pain.

“I’m going to fuck you with it now. Really fuck you.”

James let out a wanton moan as Teddy did as he promised, forcefully thrusting the dildo in and out. He arched up to meet the thrusts, and when Teddy reached up to pinch strong fingers around a nipple clamp his eyes blurred and the world started to spin. There was sensation from so many parts of his body that it was impossible to keep track. They melded together into one explosion of intensity.

By the time Teddy gripped James’ cock, he was so far gone that two strokes were all that was needed to bring him off. Before he had even finished coming, Teddy abandoned the dildo inside James’ arse and crawled up the bed to thrust his own cock forcibly into the waiting mouth. James sucked as eagerly as he could under the circumstances, and as Teddy choked him with his come he felt a kind of weary calm settle over him.

Maybe he’d needed to heal some wounds. Maybe he hadn’t been able to sit down properly for a week afterwards, but the payoff was well worth the consequences. Teddy caused that delicious, wonderful detachment that let James forget the world.

Teddy had been his rock.

 

 

* * *

 

The basement is cold and wet, and James shivers with fear and possibly hypothermia. He’s not sure exactly how long he’s been down here, but it’s most likely a matter of hours, as the Devil’s Snare is painfully slow-moving, It started at his hands and feet, and crept so slowly inwards that at first James wasn’t sure if it was moving at all. But now he’s weary from thirst and anxiety and the Snare is wrapped around his arms, legs and most of his head. A thick tendril has been squeezing his chest for the last few minutes, and he finds it hard to breathe. He’s been waiting for Teddy, positive that he will come to his senses and rescue him. Fuck it if Teddy said he didn’t love him. Fuck it if he left him to Serge. He probably had no choice. James can see the lengths that Serge will go to. He is dying proof of them. Teddy had to pretend just like James did, had to convince himself and Serge that he didn’t love James. Why would you give someone everything they wanted for two years if you didn’t love them? He’s sure it’s only a matter of time before Teddy finds a way to save him.

Even so, James wishes he could write letters to his loved ones, telling them the complete truth, letting them know what he’s always wanted to say. The letter to Teddy would, obviously, be a love letter. You can’t just switch off love for someone; it doesn’t just go away because of a cruel blow. He would tell Harry to buck up, explain what he had done to his children just by not being there. He would leave instructions to send him back to the hospital. To Al, he would apologise. Apologise for losing sight of being a big brother, and becoming a father instead. He doesn’t blame Al for not wanting to talk to him. If he was in Al’s shoes, he would probably be the same. The letter to Lily would be the hardest. She was only eleven when their mother died, and nobody else had taught her how to be a teenaged girl. He would tell her how beautiful she is, and try to convince her that she doesn’t have to go out and abuse her name for people to think she’s special.

James finds it harder and harder to breathe as his chest is constricted by the vine. He knows it won’t be long now, and he smiles as he hears a nearby shout and a door crashing open. As he begins to black out, James’ last thought is of a smiling, happy Teddy. A beautiful Teddy, a peaceful Teddy, who exists only in his arms.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Cruel light filters through his eyelids as James’ lungs fill easily with air. _This is it then_ , he thinks, _this is my afterlife_. His dad had told him all about King’s Cross Station, had explained that your afterlife is exactly what your subconscious wants it to be. James has never really known what he would have wanted, but he is surprised to find that this is it. He has always been more attracted to darkness than light.

A feminine gasp reaches his ears and he frowns slightly, confused. This doesn’t sound right. There is only one person he wants now, and it is most certainly not a woman.

“James?” says his Aunt Hermione. “James?”

He flinches as something touches his shoulder and shakes him gently. He must be dreaming, of course. He isn’t in the afterlife yet; this is the dodgy in-between part. Purgatory.

“Healer McDuff? Healer McDuff? Something’s happening!”

 _What the fuck?_ James is sick and tired of the confusion. He just wants to know what’s going on. This ‘adventure’ is really not what he was expecting.

The light flashes in his eyes, as if someone is running a hand in front of them. Fingers on his wrist seem to be taking his pulse, and he feels his eyelids begin to move.

“Oh, God, James!”

A familiar brown fuzz appears as his eyes begin to focus. His body feels ridiculously heavy, like he couldn’t move a limb even if he wanted to.

“Do you know what year it is, James?”

 _What, so purgatory is a dumb game show?_ James tries to move his mouth to protest at such a ridiculous question, but it doesn’t seem to be complying with his brain. “Errgh.”

“What?” said his aunt. “What does that mean?”

“It might take him a while to get his speech back, Mrs Weasley. But this is certainly fantastic progress. I’ll leave you with him for a while, so you can explain to him what happened. But call me right away if there’s any improvement.”

Aunt Hermione’s face comes clearly into James’ vision now, and he grimaces.

“Oh James, I’ve been so worried. We all have. You’ve been unconscious for almost a week.”

James doesn’t respond. It suddenly becomes clear that he’s not dead, and irritation causes him to clench his fists slightly.

“Good, you can move your hands!”

He closes his eyes again, but opens them quickly as a thought strikes him. He’s not dead. If he’s not dead, then he was rescued. Rescued by someone, and only one person knew where he was. He’s desperate to speak now, knows that he must find out the answer for sure.

“D’edd.”

“What, love?” asks his aunt. “I’m sorry, I can’t understand you.”

“D’edd!”

“Dad? He’s – well, Ron and Luna are with him.”

James grimaces again in frustration.

“ _D’eddy!_ ”

“Oh,” said Hermione, her face falling. “Teddy?”

She takes James’ silence as a yes. James watches a muscle twitch in her jaw as she thinks of what to say.

“I don’t know where he is, James. By the time I found you, there was no one in the building. They must have all left.”

James’ gut drops. He doesn’t believe her. It would be just like her, to drive Teddy away and then try to take the credit for his good deeds. She’s made Teddy leave him once already.

James closes his eyes again, succeeding in slightly turning his head away from her. He expects to feel an old bite mark stretch on his neck, but instead there’s nothing, and panic overwhelms him for a moment. He glances downwards, and is distraught to find the marks on his wrists also gone. There’s no end to his aunt’s sins, because she has also let them erase Teddy from his body like he’s worthless, like he means nothing. Like they can heal James better than Teddy can.

James feels his smooth, unblemished skin calling out to Teddy, desperately wanting to be marked again. Teddy has saved him once already. Surely he’ll do it again, and that means James owes it to Teddy to save him in return. He’s determined to get better, to function again, then he’ll go and continue his quest.

James’ heart soars at the thought. Teddy saved him and that proves that he _does_ love him. James smiles. He lets himself relax now, safe in the knowledge that he does have a place in this world. A place that’s worth fighting for.

No matter what Teddy says, and no matter how far he goes, James vows that he will follow.

 


End file.
